Gestation

 

I’ve been running

I’ve been running

My whole life

I’ve been running

 

In circles and triangles and straight lines

In spirals and rectangles that don’t rhyme

Nor punctuate in time

To the beat

Of my heart

 

I’ve been running

Trying to get away

From a body that only knows how to stay

In this broken paradigm

Of sadness and madness

And bad times

 

I’ve been running

Over hills whose trees have fallen to dusty cries

Past rocky mountains sending daggers to darken the skies

Through vistas worn flat to vast desert plains

All beneath a cavernous embrace that crushes my veins

 

Along swirling rapids

Splashing upstream

Smashing my fists into the tides that carry me to the unknown

Watching ripples move out to lives that’ll never be sewn

 

I’ve been running

And the black shadows that reach from the ground

Catch my ankles as I run

Trying to pull me down

Into their depths

Deep into their depths

 

I’ve been running

I’ve been running so hard I forgot to watch my youth disappear

I’ve been running so hard I forgot to see my maiden in the reflection before she fell to fear

I’ve been running so hard the mother shot straight past me and fell aside

Out of the race

Laid to waste

With never a taste

Beyond the bloody empty womb

 

I’ve been running

So fast I forgot to breathe beyond my dreams

So fast I forgot to sit within these realms

So fast the crone is the only face that lies in wait

Watching my ever slowing gait

As I near that final embrace

To the deepest knowing

Surrender to her blackened wings

Angels cry

Angels sing

 

I’ve been running

So fast I’ve been running

And this little girl inside

Tugs at my wrist

She tugs at my wrist

She longs in my eyes to see her

Still fresh and boundless with the energy of bliss

The innocence of innocence

The glistening eyes of one who refuses to give up

 

I was running

So fast I nearly missed her

So fast I nearly ran straight over her heart

While she froze in hope, and longed to be held

 

I was running for so long

So afraid to look back and see

That dear devil chasing me

Was the eternal blackened mist of my own shadows upon my tail

Dragging me down

Into my depths

Deep into my depths

 

I was running so fast

That I forgot to breathe the very essence of me

I forgot to be still

I forgot to be still

 

I was running

But I never knew where to or how

Now I think that it was not where but when

For I was running forever into this now

 

And I was running so fast I almost didn’t see

The child I was always birthing

Was me

 

 

Written by Tjoni Johansen

 

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